Lost in time,
Not there anymore,
Seems to you,
I'm a bit of a bore,
So throw me away,
Forget my existence,
Despite my resistance.
I'm deleted and faded away,
The price I payed,
No statements were made,
Things did not go as planed,
I don't understand,
No more words to say,
You threw me away,
No longer your Ra to claim,
I'm not sure who to blame.

I'd like to tell you how happy I am to have met you,
I'd like to tell you how much I like you,
I'd like to show you how different you are,
I'd like to show you how special you are to me,
I'd like to show you exactly how much you make me smile,
I'd like to tell you how nervous I was when you asked me out,
I'd like to tell you that I'm glad you were nevous too,
I'd like to tell you that the time I've spent with you has been awesome,
I'd like to tell you that I want to spend more time with you,
I'd like to tell you that you're a dream come true,
I'd like to tell you that you mean a lot to me,
I'd like to tell you that I thought I'd be scared of likeing someone again, but you make it so easy,
I'd like to tell you that I really trust you,
I'd like to tell you that I think you are amazing,
I'd like to let you know that I think about you a lot,
I'd like to tell you so many things,
I just don't think words are enough to express them.

Have you ever just sat back and thought about your life, your world? I tried to do that today to find stuff out about myself but realized that I always think about it. It's like second nature to me. I'm Lazy, I'm artistic, I probably eat too much, I think too much and I don't get enough sleep. I have great friends yet somehow I feel alone. People say that college is supposed to be the best time in your life, in that case life kind of sucks. I'm not happy even though I probably should be. I think I've forgotten how to be truly happy. I'm not satisfied with what I have, yet I have a lot of things going for me. Are we as humans ever satisfied? We always want more, bigger, better things. Why can't we just be content with what we have? We are told to dream big, and shoot for the stars. Does this make us think that what we have isn't good enough for us? Most of us have a warm bed to sleep in, a place to go for shelter, plenty of food to eat, family and friends yet we still find things wrong in our lives. Why do we always have to look at the negative things in life while the positive are clearly right in front of our faces? Why aren’t these things enough for me? Am I missing some important memo? Did I forget to take a train? Have I grown up to fast or maybe not fast enough? I shouldn't feel like I have to struggle thru each day just to get to the next. Things will be awesome tomorrow only if I get there I say. Nothing like that seems to come. Something needs to happen or change, because I don't want to feel this way for the rest of my life. I just don't know what to change, how to or even where to start...I don't want to feel numb anymore.....

If a tear could speak a thousand words this tear, yes this very tear would speak of the dreary confusion of life. It would speak of a love that has waited possibly to long for hope. One that has lost touch, but the bearer of the tear still feels the love wanting to burst out of her very soul. She has not heard from her love in weeks....Just a gesture that he is alright, nothing telling her of how he feels or if he still indeed loves her. No sign of wanting to hear her voice or hold her in his arms. Nothing. Her heart is ever pained by this word love. Is it so hard to find? She could swear this time it is something different, this time it is something special....but look where it has taken her. To tears her eyes come yet again. How can she be so blind? Is there any hope for any relationship for this wounded soul? Is there no cure for the pain? Or are there just more blades for the cutting of her heart? She cradles her head in her cold hands and weeps. Her heart keeps on calling, her brain thinks too much. Is there such a thing as love for this soul, or is it an idea of dreams? Her soul is caught in emotional limbo. Every thought of proving he loves her, but his actions no longer show any sign. Is he scared? What is on his mind? She wonders....She can't help it. He is exactly what she's been looking so long for, but she is helpless against what is going on now. What is she to do? There is nothing that reassures her already been broken heart. Is she being paranoid? Only talking to him will reveal the truth, but he speaks no words.....oh if he were to only talk to her she could be reassured or she could move on with her life.....but even talking to him starts to seem like an idea in a dream. How did she let this happen? She let herself fall so easily, yet so did he, or so he told her. Only time will tell, but with time her heart breaks more and more. He may not know it...He may not realize what he's doing. For her sake I hope he does not. I hope that he loves her still....I hope that these things will work out for them and not just be an idea in a dream.....

Screams come in many forms, but it's the enternal screams that seem to haunt my drewery hours. Thoes oh so dark times when all I want to do is scream.....but I can't......I just sit here in the dark....waiting....